


Lucid Moments

by indigoire



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Bilbo under the Ring's power, Canonical Character Death, Dark!Bilbo, M/M, Puppet Thorin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-16
Updated: 2015-01-16
Packaged: 2018-03-07 19:29:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3180464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indigoire/pseuds/indigoire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In his more lucid moments Bilbo is able to reflect on what he has done, what he has become. What Thorin has become. Canon divergence, basically darkest timeline (other than the one we already got, haha).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lucid Moments

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lindzzz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lindzzz/gifts).



> Inspired by a conversation over tumblr with Lindzzz and this amazing artwork: http://dwaroxxx.tumblr.com/post/51166144015/so-lately-i-was-having-those-crazy-dark-erebor-au
> 
> Seven hundred and so words that wouldn't leave my head and let me sleep.

He could not hold off the darkness for long. Thorin's face swimmed before him, sharp where the rest of the world was indistinct. 

"Thorin. Love. Look at me."

Obediently Thorin turned. Bilbo remembered well the dwarf his husband had once been. Proud, strong, stubborn Thorin. Every inch a king even while living on the road. Bilbo loved and cherished his king, but he knew in the deepest parts of his mind that Thorin was not this biddable, Thorin was not this blank, that emotion leapt from his face and there was always a cold fire burning in those eyes of his. 

Now there was not even ash, just a glazed look to his king's face. 

Bilbo knew they both had changed. He'd given himself up long ago, hoping against hope that the strange little gold ring could deliver on its promise. 

Give over to me, it whispered, and your beloved will live. 

Give over to me, it shouted, and you will have everything you desire!

Bilbo shook and choked on his tears. He wanted his home, he wanted his garden, he wanted many things. But the death of Thorin Oakenshield crushed him like a two ton weight and his heart felt as if it had already been torn from his body. What was left of him to give to this cruel voice, who taunted him with his deepest desires? Nothing, there was nothing, at least not without Thorin. 

Yes, Bilbo had whispered back. Bring him back to me.

This Thorin was his in body, he even bore the scars from the battle. This Thorin had been officially coronated, to the cheering of his Company and his people. This Thorin had made Bilbo consort and treated him as his closest adviser. 

And if the king was strict it was only because there was so much to do to bring Erebor back to her former glory. And if Balin worried it was only because he thought Thorin's dragon-sickness persisted. And if there were reports of stabbings and any vocal critic of the king found dead, well, crime persisted everywhere, and even the mines of the great King Thorin were not the safest place in the world. 

And if talk of a Shadow spreading across the land did not surprise Bilbo it was because he had become intimate with a Shadow already. 

Thorin spoke little but what Bilbo told him to say. He had always been taciturn, Bilbo reassured himself. Thorin talked little of his past, but Bilbo knew his past was like a wound to him, only full of hurt. Thorin could barely look anyone in the eye, but Bilbo knew he had been shamed by his actions before the battle. 

"Thorin." 

The king looked up at Bilbo, for the king was sitting on his throne, Bilbo standing before him. 

Bilbo could not remember the last time he'd been this lucid. Time had passed so quickly and yet so slowly, and his memory fuzzed in and out. Most of the time he did not know if he was speaking or someone else. Some nights he'd suddenly wake to find blood on his hands, blood on his ring. He couldn't part with the trinket, even as Thorin had presented him with rings inlaid with jewels (along with every other kind of jewelry, all of it ostentatious and opulent). Bilbo had rings on almost every finger, except for one. One he left bare for the dull gold band he had found in the Misty Mountains. 

But now the Shadow had left him, as if it were occupied with another task and had wandered into the next room, not fully gone but not fully present. Enough for Bilbo to claw his way up into the light. 

Thorin was bathed in a gentle light from the nearby torches, but while his clothes and furs and hair glowed under the flames his face was cast into darkness. 

Bilbo reached out and put a finger under Thorin's chin to lift his head. There were no advisers or courtiers here at this hour. The mountain sounded quite silent. There was only him and Thorin. Thorin obediently lifted his face, as easily maneuvered as a doll. 

"Bilbo," he spoke, and he smiled, a warm real smile. Bilbo could do little but smile back. His heart beat hard and happily. Thorin was alive, he was truly alive! It wasn't some trick or some dream! At his core Thorin was the same, Thorin was no mindless clone!

Bilbo kissed his love soundly on the lips, just once, Thorin reciprocating easily. As always.

(And if Thorin's eyes had remained cold and glass-like while he smiled Bilbo did not notice.)


End file.
